Saturday, August 7, 2010

High Drama Blogfest!

Here it is!  DL Hammons High Drama Blogfest!  For more stories, click here to get to everyone's links.  Lots of great ones out there.  Check them out!

A scene from my novel, Elemental:  (Ella's running away from her friends)

I took a deep breath and went into a narrow space, three rows to the left of the building.  I reasoned Malik would check the first row, assuming a lack of planning on my part.  The compartments loomed twelve feet above me and were so close together that they blocked out most of the sun.  I’d gone maybe thirty feet down the lane before I started having second thoughts.  Malik was going to find me.  My whole plan was stupid.  I was betraying Meir by leaving him like this.
I had almost convinced myself to turn around when something slammed into my back, throwing me to the ground.  I threw my arms out in front of me, but my head dug into the gravel as something heavy sat on top of me.
My mask was ripped off and the stones scraped against the left side of my face.  Whoever was sitting on me pulled at my hair and yanked my head back, tearing strands out of my scalp.  I gasped for breath as it was squeezed out of my throat.
 “Tarmeans aren’t supposed to have long hair, my pretty.”  Hot breath scorched my ear.  “Are you Malik’s pet?”
He shoved my head back into the stones.  I clenched my mouth and eyes shut but still dirt and rock lodged themselves between my lids and passed my lips.
Gently this time, he played with my hair.  I heard him inhale, and groan.  “Malik’s a little busy right now.  So for now, you can be my pet.”
The man slid his hands along my hip and clenched the top of my thigh, pressing himself closer to me.  His breath grew rough and uneven.
I dug my hands into the dirt and tried to push myself up to heave the hulking mass off of me, but that only seemed to excite him more.  Stones bit into my flesh as he thrust his groin against my back.
With a quick, jerky movement, he stood up and grabbed me by the shoulders to throw me against the wall of containment units. I cried out and winced when my head slammed against the hard surface.
I knew I wasn’t going to get far, but I took a step forward to run anyway.  The man was there, shoving his body against mine and pressing me flat against the wall again.
“Tsk, tsk,” he whispered in my ear and grabbed my waist.  “Where are you running off to?”  His other arm came up then and stroked my face.  A thick, meaty thumb scraped the dirt and gravel off my cheek.  “You are a pretty one.”
His face came close to mine; I could feel his breath pouring from his open mouth.  I twisted my head to the side just as his lips dove for mine.  I felt his lips curl up into a smirk, and he ran his tongue across my cheek.
I brought my hands up to shove him away, but he just pressed himself tighter against me, moving his hips rhythmically against mine.
“Please.” I whimpered.
He moved his lips down my jaw to the base of my neck.  “Oh yes.”  His voice grew rough and he twisted his hand into my hair.  “Beg for it.”
I clenched my eyes shut and struggled to hold back the whine that wanted to escape my lips.  That would only excite him more. 
He took his hand from my hair and started pulling up his robes.  I gasped.  I needed to think of something, and quick.  The stink of sweat and cologne lurched its way to my nose, making me dizzy. 
When his robes were up, he started pulling apart my suit.  That’s when I screamed.
He slapped me.  “I like it better when you whisper,” he growled.
I punched at his kidneys, but he didn’t flinch.  His thick hands found an opening in my suit and made contact with my flesh.
A deep calm suddenly settled over me and my arms hung limply at my sides. I closed my eyes and let the familiar tingling sensation—that fickle power—wash over me.  I no longer noticed his twitching fingers.  They no longer mattered.  All that mattered now was what I must do.
I opened my eyes and smiled when I saw the blue points of light waiting for my orders.  I pushed at them and they obeyed me willingly.
The man flew away from me and slammed into the container just across the alley.  Air swirled around us like a whirlwind, picking up the dust and debris from the ground.  But I took little notice.  My target was clear. 
I smirked to see his face twist in terror.  He brought his hands up to save himself, but there was no hope.  I was in control now.  I laughed as I prepared to rip him apart.


  1. This short scene brought up a lot of questions about their world, Now I'm curious to learn more!

  2. Great piece of writing! The tension was spot on. I interpreted that the MC had to conjure her power, as if not certain it would work this time. For me, that added to the suspense of the moment. And I loved when she knew she'd turned the tables. Girl power!

  3. really well written and vivid scene! So many different emotions playing through just a few words- great job!

  4. That was a great scene and the definition of HIGH DRAMA! I connected with your MC right away and could feel her initial sense of powerlessness. You do a nice job describing action as well.

    Thanks for contibuting such a nice piece to the blogfest! :)

  5. Vivid! Powerful brief sentences that built tension and drama. Wow!

  6. I found myself connected with the MC right away wonderfully done! You used this "started pulling" twice near the end- and I thought I'd point it out, its rather passive and repeated. I really enjoyed this read. Thanks for posting. You have wonderful descriptions!

  7. Oh, wow. The tension was fabulous and that ending left me dying for more! Great, great scene! :-)

  8. very intriguing. The details kept me reading and interested even though I didn't care for what was happening. Nice surprise at the end when we find out she has a special power - want to read more.

  9. Love, love, loved this! I wish I could read the whole thing now!

  10. It was a nice to surprise to see she was a woman with something up her sleeve. The fact that she now wants to rip the guy to pieces instead of moving on says a lot about her character. Nice job.

  11. Yeah, I liked the girl power of this piece, too. Great scene. :)
    Well done.

    Happy Weekend! :)

  12. Thanks, everyone! Two seconds after I posted this, I was overwhelmed with the "oh no! This is nothing but crap! Now everyone's going to know I'm a fraud!" feelings. I'm glad to see you enjoyed it! :D

  13. Oh, I love the turnaround in this piece, from victim to aggressor! And I loved this beautifully written dialogue:

    “Tarmeans aren’t supposed to have long hair, my pretty.” Hot breath scorched my ear. “Are you Malik’s pet?”
    He shoved my head back into the stones. I clenched my mouth and eyes shut but still dirt and rock lodged themselves between my lids and passed my lips.
    Gently this time, he played with my hair. I heard him inhale, and groan. “Malik’s a little busy right now. So for now, you can be my pet.”

    A pleasure to read!


  14. EEEKKSS!!! I'm SO glad you picked this scene! perfect! LOVED IT!

  15. Very nice - I liked your main character and her fickle power looks like it's going to be a lot of fun!

  16. I am psyched that she didn't get rescued!!! You did a fantastic job of setting her up to seem helpless, but she really kicks ass on her own. Sweet!

  17. This was a really great scene! I love how you captured the claustrophobic feel of being trapped in such a horrifying situation in such a narrow space.

    Also, I'm loving that it ended with a righteous butt-kicking :-)

  18. That was so intense! I so want to know the rest of the story. These blog fests are fantastic, except now I get little, frustrating glimpses into a story that I really want to read the rest of. Loved it!

  19. You had me wanting to know more!!! This was fantastic!!! Very well written, then again everything I read over here I enjoy!

  20. Excellent scene! It gave me chills, but in a good way!

  21. The good thing about this is that it is interesting enough to make you want to read more. Thank you for sharing..:)

  22. Oh, I was so afraid it was about to go really bad there!


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